From time to time I am asked this question. Well the answer is there isn’t a definitive answer. I suppose you’re never as wrinkly as the moment that you’re born, so age can’t come into it! On the other hand, a Wrinkly can be roughly placed into one of ten groups of the species.

1. The Briwilkii. Translated into English the “Sun God”. This group becomes wrinkly prematurely as a direct result of over exposure to the sun over many years. There are indications that this species may have seen the light and have now converted to Christianity.

2. The Leswardum Leswardum This group is the senior group of all the species, they are easily recognised, as they are hyperactive and rarely stay in one place for long.

3. The Grumpigrestii. They have a strange habit of rolling up their trouser leg and baring their left breasts. Their main habitat is to be found near and sometimes on Golf Courses.

4. The Geordiflanigii. This group originate from the northeast part of England; they can be seen wearing black and white striped shirts. Many have moved to other parts of the country, presumably to find better leadership as they have failed to find any for many years.

5. Libjaghenshawii Their natural habitat is to be found in and around fences. The male of the species can be quite often found in pairs, sitting on fences swaying from one side to the other, not knowing which way to turn.

6. Antoniousrobbimious. These had been thought to have gone out of existence, they have however, been seen on a number of occasions racing around the country lanes.

7. Earnshawus Earnshawus. Both sexes of this species act in a very strange manner. The female can be seen hanging around computer monitors 24/7, whilst the male seems to be always looking into and lying under motor vehicles.

8. Dougdor Brownus. The habitat of this species is to be found at heights of 3,000ft above sea level, they rarely venture below this level, but there have been occasional sightings in the Ribble Valley at lower levels.

9. Similar to the Briwilkii (Sun God,) there are two sub-species they are the Goodenoughii and the Batemanii The male of both these sub-species prefer female partners who are much younger than themselves. There is a strong line of thought that the Batemanii originated in Germany.

10. Millmoor Regus. This species would appear to be a permanent a loser. For example, they support Rotherham United and the Labour Party. Hopefully they won’t become a lost cause and one day see the light.

There are of course other types of Wrinkly. It is sometimes difficult to slot certain people into a specific species. Take Waymouthus Biggobii. There isn’t enough flesh on their bones for them to have many wrinkles; they do nevertheless qualify by ugliness.

The writer absolves himself from any responsibility should any of the above references appear to be linked to any persons living or dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally a thought for all Wrinklys

How can you get lost, if you didn’t know where you going in the first place? (Answers on a postcard).

Written by: Boss Wrinkly

Submitted: 3^rd April 2006

Edited by: ‘Earnshawus Earnshawu’ a.n.a. Brenda J Earnshaw WRR Website/Magazine Editor.