WRINKLY SECTION

of the

spring 2009

wrr magazine

thursday wrinkly wruns/walks

May 2009 Thursday 7^th Lytham Interclub Night. 14^th Dunsop Bridge Car Park. 21^st Gt.Eccleston, The Square Car Park. 28^th Levens Bridge, Levens, Nr. Kendall	June 2009 Thursday 4^th Claylands Caravan Car Park, Cabus. 11^th De Vere, Blackpool (Preston Interclub Wednesday) 18^th Gisburn Forest, Car Park TBA. 25^th Arranged by ANO (Some of team in Llandudno)
July Thursday 2nd Dunsop Bridge, main car park. 9^th Bleasdale School, Bleasdale. 16^th Badger Run, Cuerden Valley, (Night Run) Check web: http://www.ukresults.net/forms/090813badger.pdf 23rd Great Barn Cafe, Rivington  30^th Townley Hall car park, Burnley.	August 2009 Thursday 6^th Yarrow Valley Country Park. 13^th Reg Chapman’s (Start Sand Yacht Club) 20^th Village Hall, Parbold. 27^th Royal Arms, Tockholes.
September Thursday 3^rd Ribby Hall, Wrea Green. 10^th Clough End Car Park, Haslingden. 17^th Top Lock Pub, Whittle le Woods. 24^th Beetham, Fairy Steps Run.
All runs/walks start at venue 10:00am prompt.

Carr Hill School will be closed on these Public Holidays

Alternative arrangements as below - meet 7:00pm as usual.

May 25^th Monday Spring Bank Holiday - Birley Arms, Warton.

August 31st Bank Holiday Monday, Carr Hill School Closed, meet at Lane Ends Pub, Wesham.

Further information from John (Boss) Whiteman @ john.whiteman@hotmail.co.uk

“TEAM WRINKLY”

Thought for the day……….

Benjamin Franklin said, “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom and in water there is bacteria”. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink a litre of water per day, then at the end of the year we will have absorbed more than a kilo of Escherichia coli (E.Coli), which as we know is the bacteria found in faeces. In other words we would have consumed 1 kilo of pooh!

However when drinking beer or wine or other spirits we do not run that risk as alcoholic drinks invariably go through a purification process of boiling, filtering, pasteurising or fermenting.

So remember – Water = Pooh, Beer & Wines or Spirits = Health, Freedom & Wisdom.

Therefore it is better to drink beer and talk stupid than drink water and be full of ………………!!

There is no need to thank the “Wrinklys” for this valuable information we are just doing a public service.

CHEERS!

John Whiteman

Now, just to raise the tone a little, As you will all know I have been sending out round robin emails, being careful to delete John’s name, asking for small tributes to the “Bossman”. Here are the results:

TRIBUTES TO THE “BOSSMAN”

A Tribute to the Boss

John is an inspiration to us all. He is not getting any younger, (or quicker), but is seeing off rivals like Les, Peter , Wilkie, Derek, Norman and at last Peter Earnshaw has given up, (or more precisely his knees have given up on him). Week after week Boss plots out a course from a point somewhere in Lancashire or Cumbria and his faithful Apostles gather to give homage. Whatever the weather, (and however much he drank the night before), he is there to lead us off with his typical good humour and sweat. He doesn’t always stay in the lead but he is always there hanging on till the end and sets an example to us all. Wrinkly runs are a unique feature of our club providing a weekly opportunity for runners and walkers to celebrate being fit and active. Thanks John and keep on running...we’re right behind you.

Never Lost but...

On Wrinkly runs we know to expect the unexpected. So surprises are never a surprise. Sometimes it’s a wonderful view which we hit upon. Other times it is a hill which wasn’t there last time we came or even a river which should not have been there. But the most expected ‘unexpected’ is not to know where we are. Under John’s leadership we are never lost – we just often don’t know where we are. But with the help of Dougie, John K and sundry other guides we always find our way back to where we started and usually on the same day we set out. Thanks Boss for searching out all those wonderful routes which keep us all interested and awake. Keep up the searching.

Written by: ‘Nomad’

Submitted: 5^th March 2009

TRIBUTE TO BOSS WRINKLY

John stated a few years ago that he would pack up running if he was beaten by Les Ward. For the Benidorm Half Marathon, Les trained very hard and managed to beat John. John is still running but Les is now a Wrinkly Walker!!

Written by: Brenda Ward

Submitted: 11^th March 2009

Who is this 'BOSS WRINKLY' guy?

If he's who one thinks it is, he's more like 'BOSS CAT’!!! What a top bloke he is!!!

He was one of the first people I got to know within the club and one of a few I started running with on a Monday night and at local races, until I gained some speed thus leaving him in my dust!

If required BW can be there for advice, whether you get a serious answer, who knows? You can have a laugh and joke with him about most subjects, or should that be laugh at him! he he He even takes the butt of jokes regarding the beloved football team that he supports. Well you'd find it funny too if you realised that he supports Burnley FC. SHAME ON YOU BOSS WRINKLY!!!

Never having been on one of Boss Wrinkly’s OAP trips abroad, I can't comment on his organisation, I'll leave that for someone else. On the other hand I've been on a couple of the 'most enjoyable' Wrinkly Runs on a Thursday, but the next one that I go on I think I'll take a compass, sleeping bag and a tent due to never knowing where you'll end up and what time.

We all hope you like and enjoy this special edition of the WRR magazine that is dedicated just to you. A bit of advice BW... when you read these messages in the mag, make sure you turn your head when going through doors otherwise your big head will get stuck. Oops I forgot, if you do that you'll bang your conk. He he

You're a much loved person within the club and your work is very much appreciated. Keep up the good work. All the best, stay safe and keep on plodding. 

Written by: Nic Brandwood

Submitted: 13^th March 2009

Ps. For these kind words I have written, I'll let you buy the next pint.

JOHN WHITEMAN

The Wrinkly Boss and Holiday Guide

As ‘Alternative Wrinklys’ Mike and I do not know John as well as all of you ‘Professional Wrinklys’, but what we do know is that he has planned and organised several holidays, three of which we have been lucky enough to sample. Every detail is researched so well, which makes holidaying with John so easy, all we have to remember is pay, pack and passport.

Throughout the holiday John is always on hand if anyone has any questions or worries, and is always planning sightseeing trips. Of course, he also plans several ‘runs’ for the ‘real Wrinklys’, but both him and Pam can be relied upon to be in prime position in the Bar each evening ready to meet and greet his holidaying companions, it has to be said, sometimes with sarcastic comments about performance, etc, but always with genuine fun and friendship which includes all members of the travelling group, not just his close friends.

I couldn’t think of any funny anecdotes, so I decided to write a serious dedication to John commenting on his virtues as seen through the eyes of an ‘alternative Wrinkly’ who can only sing his praises based on personal experience of his expertise as a Holiday Guide. Anyway, I’m sure there will be plenty of humorous, and probably a few risqué stories from many of his ‘friends’ who know him much better than I.

By-the-way, John, now you have no competition from Peter, may-be you could relax a bit!

Written by: Judy and Mike Earnshaw

Submitted: 14^th March 2009

The Bossman

I first met John in 1991 when I joined Wesham Road Runners. I fondly remember the Sunday morning runs from the Thatched House in Poulton. John was a regular member of the group which also included Wilkie, Pete Waterman, the much missed Bernard Yarwood, Keith Watkin and many others. We never seemed to get lost on those runs; mind you these were pre “Wrinkly” days, so maybe it’s true what they say about age.

John’s big claim to fame these days is of course as the “Bossman”. He is of course a born leader: some have been cruel enough to say that, with a nose like that; he is always going to be in front. Would I be that cruel? Probably! Chris and I have now been on two of the “Wrinkly” holidays, (Chris isn’t really old enough of course. Or so she tells me!), they are extremely enjoyable. Relaxing, great fun, good company and great locations, what more could you ask for? Keep them coming John.

There is one thing in particular that I have to thank John for. Not long after joining the club I fancied giving cross- country a go. However, I did not have any spikes. John very kindly lent me his for a meeting at Lancaster. I thoroughly enjoyed my debut and have been hooked on cross-country ever since. I’ve got a pair of my own now John so I’ll get yours cleaned up and you can use them next season. It’s time you made a comeback!

Now that I’m retired and a fully fledged “Wrinkly” I look forward to many Thursday mornings getting lost with the Boss. I couldn’t do it in better company. Many thanks for everything John.

Written by: Dave Young

Submitted: 15^th March 2009

BOSS WRINKLY

I have been asked to write a complimentary report about Boss Wrinkly, but unfortunately I can’t think of anything to compliment him about!

I don’t want to comment on his navigational skills, as he doesn’t appear to have any, and in any case he will be reminded on that subject by others, so I won’t mention it.

Last week I was up in Scotland in and around Fort William, and one day I was in Fort Augusto, when I saw a group of Wrinklys walking past I shouted, "Oh no!" and then remarked, "Its John Whiteman lost again". I will reluctantly, praise him for introducing me to the nicest crowd of people that I have ever met, namely the Wesham Wrinklys.

Although I am injured just now, I know that my first outing, when recovered, will be walking with the Wrinklys, if I can keep up with them        

Written by: Mike Walsh

Submitted: 22^nd March 2009

JOHN (BOSS WRINKLY) WHITEMAN

John Whitman – now where do I start? Well, to me, he is most famous for being Boss Wrinkly and makes the Thursday morning Wrinkly runs great fun – although his navigational skills leave a lot to be desired. In the summer he soaks us with his sweat and in the winter he splashes us with mud and puddles –its Ace! I love it when he and Chairman Dave have a disagreement – it’s hilarious. He’s a top bloke but don’t tell him a secret as he is a bit of a gossip – Ha-Ha.

Written by: Julie Cruse

Submitted: 25^th March 2009

MR. WHITEMAN

Although I have not been a member of Wesham for very long Mr Whiteman has certainly made a big impression on me, and not least on my fitness. I know this may sound very surprising to some of you ‘in the know’ about the Wrinkly runs, i.e. 5 miles in just under 2 hours, but if you were to come along you would soon realise that there is much more to it than might at first glance be apparent. The format is that Boss Man sets a route on the map beforehand and we all follow him round having a good chinwag along the way, Right?? WRONG!! It goes more like this:

§ Get kit on whilst being barracked about anything and everything.

§ Set off up road/track for half a mile, then turn round and run back because John has had the map upside down!!!

§ There then ensues a fierce array of vitriol between Mr Waywell and the Boss about being lost before we've even set off! So off we go in the opposite direction with everyone firmly behind the Boss. You soon learn not to get in front of him as he will promptly take a detour, usually to annoy Kath Hoyer and Mr Waywell.

§ Things usually go OK for a while as someone else looks at the map for a change, only for the Boss to assert his authority and get us totally lost again!

§ Usually he then searches out the muddiest, smelliest fields he can see and takes us off in their direction.

§ We usually arrive back at the cars more by luck than judgment and the barracking continues whilst trying to get clean and dry, (it always rains on Thursday mornings!!)

§ Dave then gets his goodies out and shares them around. Hands up who's thinking something other than ‘his biscuits’.

§ By this time the walkers are usually arriving back having been out for 2 hours and not been lost once.

What has all this got do with my fitness I hear you ask? Well I go expecting to run 5 miles and usually end up doing nearer 10 over some of the most hostile terrain you can imagine. All this whilst trying to stop laughing at the constant abuse and banter going on. If you can spare a few hours on Thursday mornings you should give a try, it really is worth it and you never know, it might get you fitter than you think.

Written by: Graham A Cunliffe

Submitted: 26^th March 2009

PS. Keep up the good work John. I for one love the routes you plan; it's just the one's we end up doing I'm not too keen on!!

Anyone For Getting Lost?

Think of this. You turn up at an organised Thursday run, more often than not in freezing cold weather. The leader says the route is all in his head and he does not need the distraction of a worthwhile map. If he has a map he holds it upside down so that it does not dictate his thinking. The meetings are nearly always in rural locations furnished with the usual accessories of deep grass, seemingly unending bog, doses of cow clap, brambles, barbed wire and exposed tree routes, specially placed to leg up the unwary runner. The pace is stunning. It has been known to take two hours to cover eight miles. How’s that for a personal best? The leader’s main purpose appears to be to loose as many of his followers as possible. This is done by pretending to be tired and starting to fall off the back of the group and then, without saying a word, quite simply turning off onto another path and leaving the majority of the group to continue until they become aware that he has disappeared in another direction. This is regarded as the main entertainment of the day and is often accompanied by hiding behind hedges, farm buildings or any other rural contraption that may be available. Similarly, it is never wise to take too long over a call of nature as, it is a matter of principle that no one waits for you.

The conversation on these outings is predictable. The women run together and talk about the men and the men run together and talk about the women. No change there, then! Your companions on these ‘organised’ runs consist of the elderly, the part lame, the work shy, the unemployed and various individuals who skive the odd day off work. The leader rules with a rod of iron and his decision on route finding problems is final. Hence, we get lost more or less every week. The fact that half the group tend to be injured at any given time has led to the spawning of a walking group. A lot of camp followers have attached themselves to this group. It is fortunate to have the services of someone who does not read maps upside down. The Great Leader is suspicious of this walking group’s claims about the distances they have covered.

The leader’s polished skills at getting the group lost have led to a myriad of problems with irate farmers, toffee nosed land owners and bewildered householders. One gentleman berated the group as they crossed his land, “Would you mind not running? This is not a gymnasium!” It is also surprising how many householders take offence when you run through their garden in error. On such occasions it is not unknown for some of us to skulk behind barns or garages and admire the Great Leader’s diplomatic skills as he explains to an objector how the Ordnance Survey map incorrectly shows a path across his lawn.

Yes, Thursday Wrinkly meetings are gems to be savoured and the reason is quite simple. It is all down to one man, John Whiteman. Thank you, John. May your map reading skills fail to prosper!

Written by: Doug Brown

Submitted 29^th March 2009

What can I say?

So what can I tell you about John “Bossman” Whiteman that you do not already know? I could tell you that he is a genius at leading Wrinkly Runs with a map and whichever way up he holds that map he will always get you SOMEWHERE and, on a good day, he will even get you BACK! Many a rural householder has scratched their head in bewilderment as a bunch of elderly persons have ran through their gate, trudged through their vegetable patch and then disappeared over the back fence.

Alternatively I could tell you that he is the one of the world’s best tour organisers and that many of the top travel firms ring him for advice on how to organize the perfect holiday. Then again I could tell you how he has the ability to drink into the early hours and yet never miss leading the morning run at 8am. I could tell you these and many more things but you already know them as the man is a legend in his own lifetime. So I shall just tell you that he is a damn good bloke but of course you know that also.

Written by: Tony Robbins

Submitted: 31^st March 2009

And the little one said … roll over!!

One night, a long time ago, our kind hospitality was taken advantage of by none other than Bossman himself. How? Why? I hear you ask. Okay then, we shall tell all.

After consuming humungous amounts of alcohol Bossman got caught short in the middle of the night and unfortunately he managed to find his way into mine and Kath’s bedroom and surprisingly into our bed!!!!! ….surprisingly to us that is!!

However... the situation did cast a small shadow of doubt upon Bossman’s sexuality … Why? ... because if you all think he got into Kath’s side of the bed then you are so wrong ... the drunkard actually got into my side of the bed - it made Kath jealous though!

But don’t worry everyone ... he didn’t, you know, touch me … But I damn well touched him, with my foot right on his rather large backside and kicked him out ... the silly old fool … ha ha ha!!!

Written by Dave Waywell and Kath Hoyer xx

Submitted: 1^st April 2009

Editors Comments

Please may I thank those of you who submitted items for this section? (I think the general message is that he is forever losing his way!) Well he always finds his way to Wesham Road Runners and that is the main thing.

I am sure John will be really moved by all your comments. I also want to thank Pam for surreptitiously getting all the photographs of John to me. I hope this edition of the magazine will not ‘send you to sleep’ John because if you do, you will miss a lot of very sincere tributes to your good self. My own personal dedication was included in the Editorial of this magazine so, if you skipped that bit, go back and read it!

You are very highly thought of throughout the Wesham RR Membership, and beyond, and rightly so. You were one of the ‘Original Wesham Road Runners’ and the only one who has kept going. Pam reminded me only recently, and I totally agree, that when other, faster runners, come and go, or go off injured, you still plod along albeit at the back now that Peter has finished running! That’s what I call dedication. You also give of your time generously in many other ways least of which are the ‘Wrinkly Thursday Wruns/Walks’ and the “Wrinkly Trips” which are, each in themselves, tremendous and remarkable feats of engineering and organisation.

I know you have now lost your running partner in Peter, (who is really disappointed to have to give up running but health comes first), but I hope you can continue to run and enjoy the sport for a long time yet. I know Peter and I will always be your supporters as long as you continue to run and also well after that.

Fond regards, Brenda WRR Editor