‘The wheels on the bus go round and round’ The National Cross Country Championships, Sunderland Saturday, 10^th March 2007

Firstly please let me apologise for the lack of a report on the Blackburn fixture. Unfortunately, following a car accident I’ve been busy writing reports of a different nature – for the insurance company!

Anyway, back to the serious journalism………….

A 48 seater coach had been ordered by Capt’n Young for this one. He reckoned our star athletes would benefit from being able to stretch their legs out on the long journey. A splendid vehicle with TV at the front, individual lights, toilet and curtains. I wasn’t keen on the curtains myself as they were orange – not my favourite colour. Karl then revealed that his football shirt matched the orange curtains – well done Karl!

Some of our squad had boarded at The Victoria pub, Cleveleys so they were already installed at the back. The two Julies announced that the back of the bus was reserved for the ladies and sent Karl and Les to the front. Then they invited me to sit with them – something about, “I’ve run like an old woman all season; I might as well sit with them now!!” Now all we had to do was wait, and wait, and wait, and finally to rapturous applause Tracey arrived! And off we set to Broughton to collect a few more. We almost missed them. Graham needs to get some brighter trousers as this simply can’t happen again.

I was really looking forward to this. Although I couldn’t run, (sorry, take part – we all know I can’t run!) I had things to look forward to. I could admire the spectacle of the Nationals from the course and Charlie and Alex wouldn’t be able to lap me!

Capt’n Russell had been busy on t’interweb and found out there is a monument in the park where the championships were taking place. She didn’t have any more information as she’d stopped looking when she discovered it was at the top of a hill and had presumed she’d be running up it!

Capt’n Young announced that he wanted a team photo of everyone taking part, for the web site. I managed to persuade him that it should be a squad photo so that I could be on it too.

I saw Nick on Friday night and he was concerned as to how much beer he should bring. I told him you can’t take cans on the coach but he brought the beer anyway. Only he’d consumed it and didn’t look well! He soon fell asleep and I was most put out when the ladies wouldn’t let me phone him just to waken him up!

John Collier, organised as ever, had a map of the course that he’d got from t’interweb. Capt’n Young said he’d looked everywhere for a map and promptly confiscated John’s, calling him a smart a*se!!

Capt’n Murphy became the first to check out the on-board plumbing facilities and quickly established you have to be brave to use them and you must remain seated for the entire performance. Julie Cruse established later that if you don’t shut the door properly you give away too much information!! They didn’t thank me when I suggested they’d be better off with a she-pee!

A couple of trailers passed the coach with stock cars on the back. You know the ones – bent and battered and customised so they can be driven straight at other cars. “Oh look,” said Peter Wyld, “there’s a car like yours Brian!” Thanks Peter.

There was great debate at the front of the coach as to what Karl does at Foxes Biscuits. I suggested that he puts biscuits in boxes but Karl announced that he uses a machine. Thank you Mr Vickers for clarifying this – the machine is a trowel and Karl does the pointing on the custard creams!!!

After a stop at Tebay for toilets and refreshments we set off on leg two and Capt’n Young gave us a quiz. He assured us all the questions were easy. He was right, but we all had difficulty with the answers! Even Capt’n Russell was struggling and she spent the entire quiz using t’interweb on her phone to get the answers.

When we arrived at Sunderland a crew of six set about erecting the marquee, while the other 22 sat on the coach to shelter from the wind and to watch!

As the ladies race approached I thought a trip to the toilet would set me up nicely for the arduous task of spectating. I’d promised Capt’n Young I would take spectating to new heights this afternoon, (or was it a new depth?) Anyway, I got sat down as comfortably as you can in those plastic portaloo things, only to discover there was no paper. The queue outside was not amused when I opened the door to ask for some – too much information they said!

A tremendous effort by our ladies saw Carmel lead the team home and they finished as the top team in Lancashire and the third team in the North West. I’ve put that bit bigger and bolder to highlight their achievement. WELL DONE LADIES.

It has been drawn to my attention that there was an incident at the start of the men’s race. Below is the email that I received. I don’t know whether or not Capt’n Young knows about this but I trust there will be points deducted from his ‘Mud, Sweat and Spikes’ tally:

“It appears that a young runner, [mentioning no names, but he wore a shirt that matched the coach curtains] was so worried about being beaten by an older club-mate that he attempted to handicap him by 'spiking' him in the knee on the start line. The tactic worked against the club-mate but the youngster received his comeuppance by having a crap run!!”
 
While the ladies were getting changed after their race the marquee blew down. Apparently, Capt’n Murphy, wearing only her bra and pants, managed to keep it upright for nearly ten minutes. However, it seems it went all floppy again when the wind caught it. Capt’n Young is worried about how I’ll get this part through the web site censorship board, but, look, I can only report the facts as they are reported to me.
 
Big bold letter time again. Not to be outdone by the ladies team, the men were equally magnificent. They were second Lancashire team, (we include the Isle of Man in the Lancashire Championships so it’s only right we include them here) and fourth in the North West. It seems fourth is our place this year. WELL DONE LADS.
 
With the squad photo taken we set off home. We spotted the Lytham team as we passed through Kirby Stephen having fish and chips.
 
Talk turned to Capt’n Russell’s forthcoming challenge of cycling from Lands End to John O’ Groats in June. Can you believe she’s missing Freckleton Half Marathon to go for a bike ride???? Senor Glasgow gave her lots of advice. It’s a great club for getting good advice and Senor Glasgow’s was no exception. He warned her all about saddle boils and highly recommended regular changes of cycling shorts to prevent chafing. Mark Midgley swears by chamois cream. It seems you apply this to the chamois seating pad of your shorts. He says it’s great and that sometimes he puts it in his short even when he’s not cycling!! Mark also recommends Ralgex or Winter Green for the legs if the weather is a bit cold. A word of caution, however. Do not under any circumstances; get the two products mixed up!!
 
I’d like, if I may, finish on a serious note: This has been a great Cross Country season and the club spirit has been evident throughout. It’s a season that has seen us get a new marquee, and, thanks to Capt’n Murphy we’ve still got it. We’ve got flasks so we can have a hot brew afterwards. We’ve had more teams at more events than ever. We have toilet rolls in club colours and we have so much food afterwards that even Chairman Waywell is starting to put on weight!!
 
To our captains, THANK you on behalf of us all. 
 
To everyone who has taken part, supported us, hurled abuse at us and generally helped us all have a great season and a whole load of laughs, THANK YOU too.
 
Now, must dash, Brenda needs this in a hurry.
 
Written by: Brian Porter
Submitted: 12th March 2007
Edited by: Brenda J Earnshaw WRR Editor