‘Pink Wellies and Lousy Shorts’ The Northern Cross Country Championships, Heaton Park Saturday, 27^th January 2007

That is not a spelling mistake in the title. It refers to Wellington Boots! Now stop it and behave.

Capt’n Young changed his approach when he called me on Friday night.

Gone was the “Are you running?” line of questioning. Instead he chose simply ask whether I was “Going” to Manchester, (or Personfronter as it’s soon to be renamed under Political Correctness directives).

Despite her very strong appearance last week at Lancaster, Gale Force-Wind has been dropped, to be replaced by another newcomer, S. Light-Breeze.

Anyway I digress, (no change there then!) Capt’n Young asked me to pick up Charlie under the motorway at Broughton. At first I refused point blank. I told him I wanted nothing to do with drug dealings. I soon came round when all he wanted me to do was collect the talented Mr Pass. Now if he’d said that in the first place…………

I was working this morning, (a fact that was hotly disputed by Lee the Romanian), so it was a bit of a dash from St Annes to the Fairfield.

I took John Collier, Russ Mabbett and Charlie today and it struck me, as we drove to Personfronter, what an absolutely fantastic club we belong to. It simply doesn’t matter who travels with whom, everyone gets on so well.

I called Capt’n Young to let him know I was on my way and to wish the ladies luck for their race. Sadly I didn’t get to that part. Capt’n Young just wanted me to talk randomly, (apparently I’m good at it), for 20 minutes so that he didn’t have to put the marquee up!

We were warned to expect parking to be at a premium but I had a cunning plan: I would ask to be directed to the disabled parking spaces and then get one of my passengers to limp!

Armed with the information that the marquee was near the finish, we found it easily and what a spot we had: 50 yards from the toilets and the massage area, and less than 50 yards from the finish line. As I was congratulating the team on their planning I was reminded that it had “Nowt to do with planning. It took three of us to carry everything and that’s where we dropped it!”

As I went into the marquee, a smiling, semi naked Les came out of one of the bedrooms. Naturally I wanted to know who he had in there. Thankfully he was alone. The ladies then informed me that they were getting changed in the middle bedroom. I wasn’t sure whether that was information or invitation!

Our ladies were magnificent today. We couldn’t recall the last time we had a complete team at the Northern Championships. They always add a certain something and today it was wellies; mostly pink wellies.

I was getting changed when the ladies decided they wanted a photo of the wellies. I dashed out of the changing room in what I thought was a suitable state of undress to realise that I had mis-heard the request!!

Chairman Waywell announced that he was going for a “warm up and a p**s in the woods”. Frankly we all decided it was far too much information. It is too much information now but, as he subjected it on us, I thought I’d give you the same image. Pauline asked for a pair of dark glasses in the hope it would reduce the effects of the image.

Capt’n Barlow let the side down today. After the fashion statements at Blackburn and Lancaster we expected the level to be raised today. But no. Plain grey shorts. That’s it. No fancy patterns, just plain grey.

Ten past two arrived and off we charged through the mud. A good course that was challenging without being a ‘killer’.

For two laps I successfully held onto being the 12^th Wesham man. (OK so we didn’t have 13 men out but 12^th sounds better than last.) However, as I headed down the hill on the second lap, there, looking straight at me, was a full ton of Highland cow, complete with around 6 feet on each side of very sharp looking horns! It inspired me to run considerably faster!

An Elswick Harrier got a great shout from his club mates about 100 metres from the finish, “Go on, you’ve got him.” “No he hasn’t,” I thought and made sure he didn’t get me.

Wesham catering services sprung into action immediately after the race with copious supplies of selected hot drinks. Oh yes, it’s a selection of drinks, not just one, and flapjack.

Capt’n Young announced that we had to meet Dee in the Fairfield – Dee Brief – for a pint or several.

We put the radio on for the journey back to catch up with football scores. I introduced my passengers to the delights of BBC Radio Cumbria’s commentary of Brentford against Carlisle United. Not the greatest of games I grant you but it did have a streaker. We were provided with a detailed description of the male streaker right down to his physique and the fact that it was a cold day in London. Then came the line I won’t forget in a hurry, “He’s now on the penalty spot and I can tell you he’s a Brentford supporter!” This man was stark naked! How on earth could he tell he was a Brentford supporter???? Oh the joys of local radio.

I don’t know what was in that mud today but I needed a pressure washer to clean my spikes. I got a few strange looks at the car wash I can tell you!

So that’s another one done and dusted.

Next up the Mid Lancs at Chorley on 10^th February.

Written by: Brian Porter.

Submitted: 27^th January 2007

Edited by: Brenda J Earnshaw WRR Editor