miscellaneous

Top 10 of Tips/Comments/Words of Advice I have received since I started Running

1. I think with your physique you'd be a better sprinter. (Physio - 2009)

2. Why? (Friends & Family - All the time)

3. Did you take a short cut? (Mike Walsh – “All the time”)

4. Did you do 2 laps? (Mike Walsh – “All the time”)

5. If you look down all hills are flat. (Shaun Turner 2010)

6. The Great North run is a flat course - (Nicola Unsworth - 2009)

7. Club Standards - Your age is against you! (Peter Earnshaw 2009)

8. Don't wear a lace bra when you go out for a run - Also applicable to the Male Species! (Sharon Cooper 2008)

9. Perhaps you shouldn't eat Bran Flakes for breakfast before a long run! (Kath Hoyer 2008).

10. Thanks for making up the numbers! (Dave Waywell - Announcing the one, and probably only, time I'll get a Team Prize 2010)

Written by: Sharon Cooper
Submitted: 31^st August 2010

SOTOS

WESHAM ROAD

RUNNERS,

RUNNER OF THE YEAR 2010

Vote now for Sotos Runners Runner of the Year

Now is the time to cast your votes for your runner’s runner of the year for 2010. It’s wide open this year so your vote could make the difference. Last year’s winners where Sarah Sherratt and Nigel Shepherd and well deserved too. Each received a shield, which they kept for 12 months and sweatshop vouchers kindly sponsored by Simon and Sue Eaton on behalf of their charity Sotos.

The criteria for your votes is simple:

· They must be runners

· Of any standard

· Any one can vote who are members of the club.

· Its what you think, i.e. he/she is always out representing Wesham in all weathers never moans has a smile on there faces even if they are at the back of the race. Its what YOU think who stands out this year.

To be recognised by your team-mates is very special.

So make your choice as this award is going to be presented at this years dinner dance so get your vote in early please. Or Mick Edge will be chasing you

Either tell Mr. John Whiteman by e-mail john.whiteman@hotmail.co.uk or verbal or text 07988-797768

Or fill in below and hand to John Whiteman please do not hand it to Mick edge.

Female …………………………………………………..………..

Male ………………………………………………….……..……

Please sign your name here……………………………………..

	WRR WEBSITE MESSAGE BOARD COMEDIANS
Some members do not use our Website Message Board and will not have seen the competition for “best joke”. Most of the entries come down to a couple of friendly clowns, Brian Porter and George Kennedy, and they really do find some really good ones. I visit their thread each morning just to help brighten my day – sad I know but true! I have taken a small selection of these jokes to enter into the magazine to show you what they are like. They now have the longest running thread on the Board which, as I write has had 2,827 viewings and will be considerably more before this magazine goes to print. I dare not go back over the 13 pages of jokes to count them!! If you want to see the full scale of their contributions, and those from other members, do visit the Message Board – I promise you won’t regret it and maybe even feel like making a contribution yourself. Brenda
Brian Porter		George Kennedy
Traffic news: A lorry has shed its load of terrapins over the M55 Police say it's a turtle disaster!		Pregnant Irish woman in a coma. When she wakes up she asks where her bump is. Doctor says "You had twins a boy and a girl. Your brother named them". "Oh my god” she says "He's thick, what did he call the girl?" "DENISE" says doc." Oh that’s good, I like that, what about the boy?" "DENEPHEW!"
A man walks into a bar. He should have looked where he was going!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.		Early tip for the Grand National. CREOSOTE 7/1 Good over fences.
I got run over by a hire car last night. It really Hertz!!		It’s a bit early for Iceland volcano jokes. We should wait awhile for the dust to settle.
Walking through a field the other day my mate said to me "Oh look there's a flock of cows over there" "Herd of cows" I replied. "Of course I've heard of cows, there's a flock of them over there"		Being British is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab, to sit on a Swedish sofa and watch USA shows on a Japanese TV. And most of all being suspicious of anything Foreign. Oh and... Only in Britain... Can you get a pizza to your home faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain pens to the counter. Supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for prescriptions whilst healthy people get their f*gs at the front. We might be British but we're funny!!
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
'Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.' 'Well you can't say fairer than that then'		I see that America has declared war on Iceland. Apparently they are accusing them of harboring a “weapon of ash eruption”.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.		Iceland goes bankrupt and then it manages to set itself on fire. This has insurance scam written all over it. Iceland we wanted your cash not your ash!
Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on E-Bay? I bid for a Mickey Mouse outfit and now I'm 6 minutes away from owning Blackburn Rovers		If anyone sends you an e-mail titled "you can get swine flu from tinned pork"- don’t open it - its spam!
As I drove to work this morning there was an ice cream van on fire. As I went passed, Chester and his crew had just arrived and were putting out the cones!		My nephew came home from school very excited. He told me he had a part in the school play. He was to play a man who had been married for 30 years. ‘Don't worry’, I said, ‘next time you might get a speaking part’.
Bloke told me the other day he got a new Porsche for his wife That was a good swap...........		Was in Tesco this morning when a women dropped down dead in front of me..... Felt a bit sorry for her cos she had just bought a bag for life... The bag did what it said then?
I was driving down the M55, my phone rang. Answering, it was the wife's voice urgently warning me:, "I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M55. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," I said, "It's hundreds of them!"		The wife and I went to see a marriage councilor. He asked if I knew what my wife’s favorite flower was. I held her hand and looked lovingly into her eyes and replied, 'Its Homepride isn’t it darling?'

The Captains Table

After numerous attempts of trying to organise a ‘Girls Night Out’, (due to holidays), we were warmly invited to attend a BBQ at Kerry’s house.

The weather had been atrocious all week with heavy rain most days but Saturday August 14^th the sun was shining!!

Early afternoon and the girls began to arrive, Tracy, Sharon with daughter, Maisie, (who was very well behaved), Pauline, Anne, Dette, Julie Cruse, Jenny, Sarah and Michaela. We were doing a ‘Jacobs Join’ with Kerry organising us all with what food and drink to bring.

We had a lovely lazy afternoon ‘catching’ up with friends. There was plenty of conversation with lots of laughs and giggles along the way. The food was delicious and there was a never-ending supply of alcoholic beverages. It was great to see Pauline looking so well and we look forward to running with her again when she’s ready and able to.

Blackpool was playing against Wigan and I was being regularly briefed via text with the score. The Seasiders were winning and we were all in full cheer, (and a bit tipsy)!!

Before we got to sozzled our outstanding Captains Kerry and Tracy gave a ‘Team Wesham’ talk to prompt us about forth coming events, (relays and x country!!) Some members were even racing the next day, (I was bribed, so no names mentioned), and, of course, they did us proud as they always do.

Kerry on behalf of all the girls Thank You we had a great day.

Written by: Helen Jolly

Submitted: 6^th October 2010

Edited by: Brenda J Earnshaw WRR Editor

Subject: Why we love children

1)  NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mum, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a new starter handed his teacher a note from his mother.  The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.  During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mummy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's changing room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE No.1
While taking a routine vandalism report at a primary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.  Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?  'Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.  'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her.  'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' 

6) POLICE No. 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my canine partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.   'Is that a dog you've got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied.  Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ’What did he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an Organisation that delivers lunch to the elderly, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.  She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.  One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.   As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ’The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8)  DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.  When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning..'

9) DEATH
While walking along the pavement in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.  Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.  Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wadding, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.  The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.'  (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10)  SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.  'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother.  'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'  

11)  BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible.  He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.  Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it.  What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mum, look what I found,' the boy called out.  'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think its Adam’s underwear!'

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT